I’ve been on a long long journey, which has been both fascinating and arduous. I’ve spent sometime in a foreign land, which while interesting has left me severely injured and hurt.

My story begins many years ago when my family and I decided to go on a safari to a land many miles from here.

All of the planning and administration went relatively well. There were of course hiccups with some compliance and currency issues. A lot of countries when you visit them want to know a lot about you, but overall after some time we embarked on our journey. The trip was pleasant. We saw lots of new things. We traded and shared fascinating experiences with people from a new diverse culture. They were friendly and helpful and often helped us by coming to our camp and selling us food and clothing without hindrance and we in turn gave them some money and advice. Everything seemed to be going well. The weather was warm and sunny and we had enough to eat and we were healthy and most of all happy on our travels.

Then one day tragedy struck. I remember it vividly. We were camped by a large gently flowing river. The campsite was perfect with fishing, lots of natural fruits and vegetation and our supplies were plentiful. People from the local village were with us during the evening and we had a bountiful meal together, drank a little too much wine, as is our want. The evening was balmy, the moon bright and it seemed nothing could go wrong.

We retired peacefully to bed later than usual and as I snuggled down into my sleeping bag and zipped myself in, my last thought was what a wonderful life. I wanted it go on forever and hoped my children and their children would enjoy all the things that I had enjoyed in the future.

During the night I woke suddenly. Frightened, rigid with shock as I felt myself zipped into my bag being slowly but inexorably being dragged inch by inch to the cold uninviting river’s edge. I frantically tried to reason through the fog of sleep what was happening and realised that my legs were clamped in these enormous alligator jaws and this prehistoric, huge monster was dragging me to my death. The pain was enormous as this 16 foot, 1000 pound monster, whose bite force on my legs of 3,700 pounds, was forcing me into and out of consciousness.

I couldn’t scream or fight, I was traumatised by fear.

As we entered the water I knew from previous knowledge, that now came the death roll. Over and over and over, turning constantly in the water. One moment submerged and struggling for breath, the next relief as I broke the surface and gulped a lungful of air. I knew how this was going to end and resigned myself to the inevitable. As I blacked out, I thought only of my family, who I loved dearly and would not see again.

Miraculously, I woke to find myself in a stinking muddy hole, full of the rank detritus of bones and putrefying flesh.  I was alive, but barely breathing. I did not appear to have too many incapacitating injuries and if I could unzip the sleeping bag, which had probably saved me, there was just a small possibility I could escape before the animal returned. I discovered later, they drag their prey off to the lair built into the river’s bank and once decomposed and rotten they feed relentlessly over a period of time until all is devoured. I did not want that to happen to me. I was determined now to escape.

I could see the light at the end of the tunnel lair as the moon bounced off the black river water. I had so little time to take decisive action.

I struggled out of my sleeping bag and crawled to the entrance of the lair. I could see our camp across the river and slipped into the water terrified, expecting those jaws to clamp themselves around my body again. Slowly, oh so slowly and quietly, I swam to the camp side and roused my family.

They were shocked and relieved beyond belief. Happy to have me back but realised I needed immediate medical attention. The local villagers were roused and they helped with everything, giving of their time and effort to help me back into recovery.

I nearly perished but through my own fortitude and the help of others I am now recovered.

Several years later, I realised what a lucky escape I had had, as this alligator was famous throughout this part of the country and had caused the deaths of many unwary travellers. He was known throughout the land as Brexitasaurus.